Musings of a mom

Here comes the bride....

2005-10-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

My eldest daughter is getting married......
Wow.....
I'm excited and a bit overwhelmed. Since she is doggedly trying to maintain a great GPA at college, a lot of the preparations will fall on me. Eeek! I've never planned a wedding before though I guess it's great training for the next daughter.

As a mom, I don't know what to feel from moment to moment... I'm glad for her, afraid for them, sad that she'll be farther from me, freaked about the planning, and a bit concerned about the money. My best resource is my second daughter; she has the artistic side I don't have and wants to make this wedding great for her sister. God is so good to supply what I need in every occasion.

I'm down to 3 kids of 5 still at home. It seems so empty already. Daughter number 3 is in college in town but will probably be going off next fall. Son 1 is a junior at a Christian private school and is certainly having a better year than last year. Son 2 is a freshman at public school and is surviving without much worldly contamination so far. We even survived hurrican Rita coming close to us. Life is good.

But how to explain to college kids what marriage really is like and be believed? It all seems so likely to be perfect to them, even when they think they are being realistic and practical. I guess there is no way that they can see what WE know by hindsight and I wonder... should they? Maybe it's best for them to find out together and even mature together. I just wish, as all moms do I guess, that I could help them avoid the misunderstandings and frustrations by learning about each other and how to deal with life NOW instead of the hard way. My heart says it should be possible....

I love her so much.

Heavenly Father, keep her in your hand, protect and guide her. She is yours.

...And when you're down, you're down

2005-02-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

Today I felt like a short-circuiting cattle-prod.
All I seemed to do was goad my family into doing the things that they should be doing for themselves: homework, chores, .... you get the picture. But most of the time it didn't work. And that is FRUSTRATING. I'm so tired of it. Guess I'm tired of most things right now.

What is my job as a mom? My life is slipping by and I seem to have spent most of it in hopeless attempts to train my kids to take care of themselves and care about what they are doing in life.

I care....

but it hurts.

A new era...

2005-01-27T16:47:00.000-08:00

Much to muse on today....

My 2nd child, a daughter, called to let me know that she and her intended are getting their marriage license today. There is a 3 day waiting period, so she'll be married sometime next week. I really don't know how to feel.....

The back-story on this is part of the adventure (i.e. "agony") of the last few years. From a conservative Christian background, #2 started falling hard for one guy after another. Each time, she would warp her convictions enough to let her break our rules and our trust. Of course, each time we caught her and put a stop to the "relationship", she would quickly come to see that she was doing wrong and that the guy really wasn't worth it. You'd think she'd learn.

Well, she met a very nice guy not too long ago. She abided by the house rules (mostly) and things were going fine. But after only a month or so, both said they wanted to get married. Now, we liked him fine but he hadn't graduated high school, didn't have a driver's license, worked at minimum wage jobs when he wasn't playing video games, and he had been thrown out of his mother's home. We strongly felt that they should wait a while. #2 was going to college and didn't even have any savings at the time. We said "wait". They didn't like it but they waited through the summer while #2 had a job and he went to his home state to hopefully make up with his mother and get a good job. At the end of the summer #2 decided she couldn't take it any more and moved away to be with him. She got a job there (where he was working) and we have only seen her once since she left.

Now they're getting married.....

They can't afford a ceremony, just a justice-of-the-peace. That's sad. I wish she hadn't disobeyed us by moving away (and by sharing an apartment with him, no matter how innocently). Things could have been so different..... better.....

But, as they become one in God through marriage, they become new in our eyes also. The hurt of her disobedience is washed away (well, mostly) by her new position under her husband's authority. God is saying to us, for good or bad, "she's not your problem anymore". Now we can concentrate on encouraging her and answering questions, someday babysitting. And praying for them to stay together and love God.

She may have a church ceremony later. She says they may even move back near us. I hope so. I miss her very much.

So, much to muse upon.....
(Does it ever stop feeling like I've been punched in the stomach?)

Beginning to MUSE

2005-01-25T20:38:00.000-08:00

Musing.....
Something that usually happens when you're alone and quiet... usually peaceful, but not always... but solitude seems to be a requirement.

Well, I find it hard to believe, being the mother of 5, but I feel very alone most of the time. Musing shouldn't be too hard....

I have been home with my 5 for over 20 years now. Of course, not all 5 are still around-- one has moved off and another is in the dorms. But for the first time, none of them is being schooled at home. Yes, I was one of the fringe, the educational and religious fanatics known as "homeschoolers". But what was I to do -- my first child was a prodigy, debating about her chores and discipline at the age of 2, reading almost anything and reciting all the states and their capitals by the age of 4. I should send this jewel off to be bored to tears in kindergarten?! But God sent a guide into the wilderness of teaching at home by way of a wonderful lady who had 6 of her own named Robbie Baker, and the adventure began. As each subsequent child arrived, our "school" grew. Much of it was frustrating and difficult, but some of it was wonderful.

Now, I putter around cleaning this and organizing that -- things that I had put off for ..... well, for longer than I should have. Next year all my kids will be high school level or beyond. College costs are likely to make finances very tight but I guess we'll manage. In a way, that is the least of our current concerns. But more on that later....

I can see now that musing is fine but I would rather have someone to share ideas with and bounce things off of. Ah, well.....